At first glimpse, I fell in love with my neighbour, who was already married. I knew he was married and had kids, but that didn’t stop me. Not long ago, he asked me to keep his kids while his wife was in the hospital. I agreed. I was pleasantly surprised when I saw his kids since they looked just like myself.
Not in the way that “kids look like everyone.” I mean, really, like me. Their eyes, nose shape, and even the dimple on their left cheek when they smiled were all the same. When the eldest one, a kid of around eight, turned his head like I did when I was confused, I couldn’t breathe.
\here were a lot of things flying through my mind. Was it possible? No, it couldn’t be. I had never even met him in person. Only in my head. In terms of feelings. I had made up stories about him just by seeing him mow the lawn or wave to the mailman. But that was all.
I tried to throw it away. I might have been reading too much into it. It might have just been a coincidence. But the more time I spent with the three youngsters, the more I couldn’t help but notice how much they were alike. They were witty and polite, and I could relate to their sense of humour. I felt like I was witnessing little copies of myself in someone person’s world.
I told him, “Your kids are so cute,” when he came back that night. They look a lot like one of my friends.
He smiled and took off his coat, but he wasn’t really paying attention. “Yeah? People say they look like their mum.
I didn’t say anything more. I just nodded and left, but the idea kept coming back to me.
The next day, I pondered about things I hadn’t thought about in years. I remembered what I had given. Ten years ago, when I was broke and needed money, I gave away my eggs. They said it would be a secret and that I would never meet or know the kids. I was 20 then. Young. Not smart. I thought I was just helping someone establish a family.
But what if…
I didn’t sleep that night. I sat there looking at the ceiling, wondering if life had just pulled a cosmic joke on me. I had been dreaming about this man and maybe even thinking about a future with him. He could be the father of the kids I generated from my own eggs.
I made the choice to be brave. The next time I babysat, I whispered to him, “Can I ask you something personal?”
He looked up, surprised but still polite. “Yes.”
“What did you and your wife do to have kids? I hope this doesn’t come off as rude. But they look like me. A lot.
He came to a stop. He stopped for longer than he was comfortable with. He sighed and rubbed the back of his neck. “We had trouble becoming pregnant. A benefactor helped us. Donor of eggs. The clinic said she was “smart, artistic, tall, and had green eyes.”
“That’s me,” I/op saidgesha.
His eyes got bigger. “What?”
“I gave. Ten years ago, the event happened. I never knew who got them.
The room got quiet. The fridge was buzzing in the background. He sat down slowly and stared at me like I was a ghost. “Are you serious?”
I nodded. “I had no idea.” Until I saw them. It’s like seeing pieces of me roaming about in your living room.
He seemed terrified, but not crazy. That’s just too much. “My wife doesn’t know who gave.” No one knew. But wow, this is a lot.
We were quiet. There was nothing else to say at that moment.
Things changed during the next few days. Fast. I kept babysitting, but things were tense now. The stress wasn’t that bad. There was just a lot of confusion. This is the kind of doubt you feel when things in the world around you change.
Then, one day in the afternoon, his wife came home. She had just had surgery and was now back, beaming, tired, and full of warmth. She hugged her kids tightly and thanked me in a way that made my heart ache.
I felt horrible. I feel so bad.
My feelings were real, even though I hadn’t done anything with her husband. And now that I understood that her kids were, in a way, also mine, I didn’t know how to live in their house without breaking.
She asked me to tea later that week. Just the two of us.
I thought about her invitation, but in the end I chose to go.
We sat on her porch as the kids played. She looked me in the eye and said, “I know something is up.” Between you and him.
My heart fell. “I swear, nothing has ever happened to me physically.” I just—
She whispered softly, “I’m not dumb.” “I saw how he looks at you. And the way you look at the kids. I know you did.
It seemed like someone had dumped a bucket of cold water on me. “How—?”
“I saw your image once. The picture was taken at the doctor’s office. Your profile is not clear. But those eyes… I never forgot those eyes.
I couldn’t say anything.
She drank her tea. ” At first, I was quite angry. Then I thought, “Maybe this is how it was meant to be.”
“What do you mean?”
She smiled sadly. “You gave us something we never thought we’d obtain. You gave me my kids. And now you’re here. “Like the universe pulled you in.” Maybe not to take something, but to fix something.
I cried. “I never meant to get in the way.”
“I believe you,” she said in a low voice. “But I have to ask you something now.”
I got ready.
“Please… back off.”
It hurt like a punch in the stomach.
“I don’t hate you,” she said quickly. “But my kids don’t know the whole story.” And they don’t have to. I need to protect this family. Please leave us alone. “Let us be whole.”
I nodded, but I couldn’t say anything.
After that, I stopped looking after youngsters. I tried to keep away from the block as much as I could. I didn’t think the emotional suffering would be this bad. I let go of the dream that never came true, the kids I met for a short time, and the man I loved but never told him how I felt.
It took months. I threw myself into my work, my hobbies, and my life. The discomfort went away gently. But it never really left.
Then, on a Sunday, I got a note. It was written by hand. From her.
It said:
“I just wanted to tell you that we’re okay. The kids are doing really well. I told them the story of a pretty young woman who helped us when Mommy was sick. They know who you are. They were interested in you. I told them you were on your way. I genuinely meant what I said.
No matter what, you’ll always be a part of our lives. You were important. Thank you for everything you gave us, not just your eggs but also your time, love, and heart. I didn’t miss it. I hope you find someone who sees you the way you want them to. And I hope you get the same type of crazy and happy that you helped us have.
“With love, Mira.”
When I was done, I cried. But not because they were unhappy. It was the kind of crying that makes you forget about your shame, pain, and what-ifs.
A year later, I moved. I got a new job in a distant city. I started working at a children’s facility, where I helped kids with their studies. It felt good. I thought I was finally putting that odd, motherly ache to good use.
Then one day I met someone. Not a dad, not a neighbour, not a dream, but real. Grounded. Honest. He also helped the kids. At first, we were friends. We had a nice time drinking coffee. We each had scars on our knuckles and told each other stories about how we grew up impoverished yet hopeful.
He didn’t flinch when I told him I used to be a donor. “You helped make a miracle,” he said. That’s something to be proud of.
At that point, I knew I had finally come back to where I started.
I didn’t find the man of my dreams. But I got myself back. And on the way, I met someone who loved me for who I was, not for what I had done for others.
We don’t always know what love is. It can come when things are calm, in letters we didn’t expect, in new cities, and at the start of new things.
Letting go of what we thought we wanted and making place for something better is the best way to finish things.
Life has a funny way of messing up our plans. Sometimes what we think is heartbreak is truly the door to the life we always needed.