Sometimes the reality hits you so hard that you can’t breathe. It sticks with you forever when it happens in front of your daughter, at a wedding, and with your family and friends.
I thought it had been five long years since my wife died.
For five hard years, I was the only parent to our daughter. I spent those years putting my life back together after she departed. But when I saw her face again, not in a flashback or a dream, but at the altar in a wedding dress, all of that was gone in an instant.
What about the guy next to her? I trust him more than anyone else.
This book is about how I discovered out that the woman I was grieving was still alive and how it changed everything.
Going on After a Loss
Her parents claimed I didn’t know how to continue on after my wife Natalie died. One minute I was working two shifts and hurrying home to my baby girl. I was on the floor, crying so hard that I believed my chest would break.
There was no funeral. There was no announcement of death. Her mom called her and said, “She’s gone.” Please don’t call back.
I remember clutching on to the crib rails while Emma cried in the other room. At the time, she was only one year old.
For the first few years, it was all about job sites, diapers, and court dates. Natalie left without putting up a fight, leaving us behind and giving up custody without a second thought. Her family snatched her away from us. The phony death was the last straw.
But I took my time putting things back together.
I went back to school at night to get my architecture degree and establish my design firm. As a child, Emma was smart and brave, and she didn’t have her mother’s mean streak. She saved me without even knowing it.
I wasn’t really all there. But I was still alive.
The Invitation That Changed Everything
Then the wedding invitation came.
It was from Stefan, my oldest and closest friend. He was the one who got me out of the house after Natalie left and saved me from going crazy. We had grown apart since he joined the military, but he had always been like a brother to me.
His note added, “I’m getting married.” “Hope you and Emma can come.”
I wasn’t sure at first. Weddings still hurt. There are too many things I remember. But I changed my mind because Emma was so happy.
“Will there be cake?” she said, her eyes wide.
I smiled and added, “A big, fancy one.”
“Well then,” she said, as if she understood everything. “We should go.”
The site was a magnificent beach resort with pure white sand, a nice breeze, and guests dressed in lace and linen. Emma donned a yellow dress and I put a flower behind her ear.
It was all quiet. Almost there.
Up till the ceremony began.
The bride took off her veil, and everything went wrong.
When the music started, the guests got up. The bride walked down the aisle with a veil over her face. Stefan looked proud and afraid, which is how every groom should appear.
Then he pulled her veil off.
And I stopped breathing.
It wasn’t a stranger who was under it.
It was Natalie.
I had buried my wife. Her mother was nowhere to be found.
She looked out at the crowd and noticed me. She didn’t smile as much. Her hands were shaking. She took a step back, then another, and then ran away.
Emma grabbed on my sleeve, which confused me. “Why are you crying, Dad?”
I couldn’t say.
A Ghost Returns
I left Emma with Stefan’s sister and found Natalie in a hallway, still in her gown, pallid, and out of breath.
I said softly, “You’re supposed to be dead,” and I barely recognized my own voice.
It seemed like she had been hit. “I didn’t know they told you that.”
“Who?” I laughed. “Your parents.” I asked to see your grave. For years, I felt bad for you. I was the only one who took care of Emma. “I thought you were gone.”
“I just… I wanted a way out,” she stated in a quiet voice. “My dad did it.”
My throat got tight with anger.
“He made me think you were dead,” I said softly as I got near. “I had to tell our child that her mother would never come back.” And you’ve been here the whole time? “Starting over?”
She wanted to say something, but she couldn’t find the words.
Then Stefan came.
He asked, “What’s going on?” while looking back and forth between us.
I turned to him with my jaw clinched.
“Five years ago, she left me and our daughter.” Her family told me she was deceased. “Now she’s going to marry my best friend.”
His face got pale. “Please don’t say that’s true,” he told Natalie.
She couldn’t meet his gaze.
He went away.
The wedding was called off. Her parents looked like ghosts as they took her away without uttering a word. She didn’t even look at the man or the child she had left behind.
Putting Things Back Together
Stefan and I went out for drinks two weeks later.
He looked at his drink and replied, “She never said she was married.” “Never said anything about a kid.” I can’t believe I fell for it.
“You didn’t fall for it,” I said. “You fell for a version of her.” We both did.
He raised his head. “Are you all right?”
And for the first time in a long time, I really thought about the question.
I had cried. It was hard for me. But I had also improved. I turned the mess she left behind into a job and a bond with my daughter that no lie could damage.
“I think I am,” I said. “I finally know it wasn’t me.” It was never me.
Sometimes the truth, not the person, helps you move on.
The truth hurt more than her leaving or her fake death.
But once I learned the truth, I could finally stop thinking about it. Don’t be afraid. Stop being sorry about something that isn’t true.
Natalie didn’t want to stay with us. She could have said that, but she chose to go. That cowardice was the best way to tell who she really was.
It was hard to tell Emma everything. But she’s smart. Nice. She is stronger than I was when I was her age.
“She left?” she asked, blinking. “Like… just left?”
I said, “Yes,” and held her close. “But I stayed.”
She nodded and rested her head on my chest. “I’m happy.”
I am too.
A New Chapter Begins
Today is Emma’s tenth birthday. She wants to learn about life in the water. She wants to know about everything, but the ocean is her favorite. We go to the beach on the weekends to build sandcastles and chase waves.
My business of designing is going great. I don’t wait for life to give me a break anymore. I now take my breaks.
And there are moments when I think back to that wedding when the veil fell off and the ghost of my past came back to life.
It didn’t break me.
It let me go.
It’s better to hear the truth than the deception we tell ourselves.
At the time, I don’t know where Natalie is. I don’t care.
She departed our lives two times.
But we kept going.
And I’ve found out that this is the real miracle.