Last year at our Secret Santa, Sarah, a friendly coworker of mine, gave me a gift that was wrapped quite beautifully and neatly. There was a beautiful silver ring inside and its center held a small and perfect emerald. That touched me very much. A ring was more than a regular gift; it seemed personally and meaningfully chosen. Sarah and I were friends—giggling over coffee, teaming up on work and also getting annoyed together by early-morning meetings.
I was more or less wearing the ring all the time. Wearing it turned into something that felt so comfortable that I just forgot it was there. The idea never came up as to why Sarah was on the path she was or if there was something else about her decision. At least, until recently.
Once, while staying home alone, I played with my ring and my thumb noticed something odd. You could just make out a faint groove around the tiny emerald. I was interested and I began lightly twisting the handle. I was surprised to find the gem rotate and expose a concealed compartment. Was this part of the Secret Santa scavenger hunt and I’d missed it?
There was a little piece of paper, folded very neatly, hidden inside. I slowly took it out, opened it and stopped when I realized the message said: “Hate you.”
I froze.
The air got stiller and I could still sense the words echoing in me. Did this joke turn out to be much more serious than expected? A mistake? Had Sarah wanted me to get a message—an indirect warning hidden in our conversations for the whole year?
All our talks played in my mind like repeated movie clips. At no time did Sarah seem other than kind or friendly. She listened to my jokes, said nice things about my work and even bought me my favorite cookies after I thought out loud how much I liked them. Absolutely none of it was clear to me.
With further consideration, I felt more and more disquieted. Should this joke be taken literally, it is very cruel. If so, why did I get punished? I kept seeing in my mind the way Sarah picked out the ring, put the message on paper and hid all this, knowing I’d come to discover it. What he said made me feel uneasy in my stomach.
I put myself in a dilemma about confrontation. Should I go to her desk and loudly insist on an explanation? Should I simply set the note aside, ignore what it says and act like everything is normal just as before? It looked simpler, but those words kept showing up in my thoughts.
I still look at the ring, beautiful now even with its hidden meaning and wonder what is really behind it. Was she trying to get her anger out by leaving letters? Might she have bought a secondhand ring not knowing what it said? All of these unanswered questions keep wondering which leaves me in a state of doubt and restlessness. There are times when someone we think we know very well turns out to be a complete stranger to us.