Attraction does not necessarily follow an easy course for some and it may change as time goes by. This baffling phenomenon is not as uncommon as one might think and it has even got a name: abrosexuality.
Thought she was a lesbian
Let’s take a look at what is behind abrosexuality – and what it took for one writer to live three decades to bring to view this sometimes-misunderstood label.
In a memoir published in July 2024 by Metro UK, a writer Emma Flint wrote her moving story of discovering she is abrosexual – after 30 years of wondering what was strange about her attractions, which always used to change like the seasons.
Flint, who was in her thirties when the article was written, talks about her years of thinking that she was a lesbian then a phase when she felt attracted to men before being drawn to no one for quite some time then back to men again.
For decades she said that she was “uncertain of who I was”.
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I felt as if lost in open sea. I also felt like a fraud as much as my identity altered in chatting to loved ones,” notes a freelancer who lives in Staffordshire, England.
This was not the fact that I could not make my mind up, it was simply that my identity fluctuated,” One day I would feel as though I was a lesbian, but days or weeks later I’d be more inclined to consider myself a bisexual.” My sexuality was fluid.”
Only then did everything fall into its place when she stumbled on the word “abrosexual” while reading in an online forum.
“Lastly, I felt seen,” she writes.
What is abrosexuality?
Abrosexual- a less known identity of the LGBTQ+ community is one form of sexual fluidity which is reported by Healthline.
A person who is abrosexual finds his or her sexual attraction changing frequently. they could relate to the word ‘gay’, then, end up feeling attraction towards all genders, and then experience next to no sexual urge.”
Expanding on the identity, the health and wellness provider writes, “Terms such as homosexuality, bisexuality, heterosexuality and pansexuality describe the genders of people that you are attracted to. The word ‘abrosexuality’ is different as it doesn’t define a gender – it simply speaks about the shift of your sexual attraction over a period of time.
Sharing her personal experience in her ever-changing attractions, Flint says, “I love the person, rather than their gender so it doesn’t matter if my sexuality fluctuates while I’m with them”.
“However, even after I do that, there will always be certain people who love to demand for me to ‘pick a lane’ so as not to offend them with my identity. I want people to know that just because you don’t know or understand an identity does not mean that identity is any less authentic.
What does abrosexuality look like?
One of the most significant things to understand concerning abrosexuality is that it does not take any fixed pattern. It looks different for everyone.
To clarify the picture, Healthline provides a couple of examples of how abrosexuality may manifest itself:
Day-to-day shifts: One day you may feel homosexually attracted to men, but the next day you awaken with the desire for those who are of the female sex.
Gradual changes: You may find yourself attracted by people of all genders for a while and then realize that after several weeks or months you only feel attraction towards certain gender.
Fluctuating attraction levels: You may have that point in time where you feel little to no sexual attraction at all, sometimes called asexual feelings only to find out that after months have passed your attraction comes back and it seems more active, it might even be directed at other genders.
Long-term evolution: You may be a straight male for years and years, only to realize you are beginning to be attracted to other men which will give new layers to your feeling of being.
These are only snapshots of possibilities. Being abrosexual has no generic experience, and that is what makes this identity so peculiar and unique.
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— Em (@LiterateElf) April 1, 2025
“We’re all learning all the time new things about ourselves – that’s what growth and development is about,” writes Flint. Hopefully, abrosexuality will come to be recognized as normal, just another identity that a person might have, and not something that is to be ‘on trend’.
Flint’s story is so much more than a personal story, it is a story of how crucial language and representation are that allow people to make sense of themselves. Most people might live in this feeling of being “broken,” “out of place” because they never heard the term that would give voice to what they have been feeling and experiencing.
What is your view of all these identities? We’d love to hear what you think, and then share this story, to make the conversation happen!