Bob Hope once said, I have seen what a laugh can do. But this can also make almost unbearable tears bearable or even hopeful.” Life sometimes gives you something, unbelievable beyond, apparently as there should be, and you can laugh, or you can cry, and you know which one you will choose ’. Fast forward to today and the story of family, boundaries and a little bit of pay back that’s going to make you smile, laugh out loud, or maybe both …
So here’s the tale:
My name is Emily, 50 years old, and two wonderful children were born to me. I have no issue with my family, in fact I like them a lot, but I do miss breathing space sometimes, being a mother in law. My daughter in law Brittany asked me if I could babysit the weekend so I guess that was the case.
At first I was thinking that it might be the most wonderful opportunity to have a calm weekend in his house with my grandson Noah. Brittany and I were amenable to permitting them to take my son and my son Ethan off on a relaxing trip and be ecstatic to visit Noah. Thus, this was the start of an unexpected twist which saw a bill and payback.
When Brittany textsed me and asked if I could watch Noah for the weekend, I hadn’t been thrilled. The truth was that Brittany and I had a complicate relationship. She’d complain about grandparents being too ‘over involved’ and I would feel like I was always on her toes hovering around Noah. This time I chewed them down. And I fell madly in love with my grandson and I would not miss a chance to see him.
So she agreed and followed it up with a text, “everything you need will be ready.” “It was something I really felt I should just relax and enjoy my time with him.” I was relieved that everything was done for me and was said so easy by her.
But reality is when I got to their house on Friday afternoon, slapping me with a ton of bricks.
Toys were spread face down all around the living room, and the kitchen was a war zone. There was dishes stacked up to the sink and someone had left an unsinkable crusty pan on the stove. Without passing a thought they had just left their house. Noah running up to me as he came again, I couldn’t stay mad for long.
He squealed: ‘Gra-ma!’ and turned to see that the little arms were reaching out for me. As I had picked him up, his diaper was sagging to the floor, he giggled. The more frustrated I got, the more he smiled joyfully.
We let Brittany breez past us, recognising her, giving her a quick kiss and good-bye on the way in with her case, not having heard her: ‘Thanks for helping out, Abby. There is food in the fridge, and it is everywhere — Noah’s room. Enjoy your weekend!” She took leave of me and was off, and then the rest of the matter was taken care of.
Noah got a kiss on the puff that are his cheeks, now I realized she left me with no wipes and only five diapers. No backup supplies, no meal prep, and not even a single proper grocery item in the fridge. The only half empty carton of eggs, a small carton of very old green lousy milk. I couldn’t believe it. It was expected that I would be a housekeeper as well as babysitter.
I sighed and then decided to deal with the situation. I went to the store to buy whatever things I’d need and then Noah, he got his toys and he made his way to the store. Now I’m back from one day of diapers, wipes, snacks and groceries for the hundred and sixty plus eight dollars later. I immediately bought the stuffed elephant that Noah wrapped with wide smile around the bare chest!
That weekend we made the best of it, and Noah and I still had it left to spend. We played at the park, baked cookies and we watched Finding Nemo together under a sense cozy blanket. Noah won in the cookie baking front by caring much more about experimenting with turning the cookie sprinkles into cookie dust than actual cookie batter. At that time Sunday evening, I was tired and happy. I had done the dishes, mopped the floor, made a casserole for Brittany and Ethan to heat up when they come back.
But to my surprise when I woke up Monday Morning, it wasn’t a good surprise.
The hall gave off the smell of greasy yellow noodles and the stack of clean laundry, and an 8×11 handwritten note from Brittany on pink pen sat under a mug on the kitchen counter coming down the hall. Sweating, I unfurled the note and saw what appeared to be a bill—with a hand written payment that was marked as payment for the ‘living expenses’ I had spent while staying there. It read like a joke:
Eggs: $8
Water (3 bottles): $3
Electricity: $12
Toilet paper: $3
Laundry detergent: $5
Toothpaste: $4
TOTAL: $40
And the cherry on top? “Please Venmo by Friday. Thanks!! ❤️”
A complete speechless stare at the paper. Was she serious? I was now being billed for after spending my weekend cleaning her house, buying her groceries and looking after her child? I wanted to tell everything in me not to call her then, then I excused myself and had a plan to take that makes me hesitate from calling her right then.
Within a few days of this, when Brittany got home, I did approach her in a fairly calm manner. I knew I wasn’t going to come in too hot so I smiled and asked, ‘How were you for your trip, Brittany?’ I just disregarded her and she was already sitting on the chair like she was at the phone. Then she asked, how is Noah? Like always, she was distracted away to walk away again before she could answer.
Shortly after that, I left home and my head was a spin of frustration and disbelief. Upon arriving home, I already knew what I was going to tell her bill.
I sat down at my laptop and made a professional looking invoice with ‘Grandmother services ,Est 1993. That is when she clarified what she had to do: Break down, raise her husband, Ethan, for years, meals, laundry, school rides, emotional support. I wrote a note and at the bottom of the invoice I put “family discount” (please May deduct the original invoice from the amount) and a note “❤️ Thanks for understanding”.
That was the morning that I printed the invoice on fancy linen paper, lettered and slipped it into a gold decorated envelope and slid it into her mailbox.
In fact, mere messages later, I got a message from Ethan. As he was not trying not to laugh, ‘Mom… what did you do.’ I then told him that I didn’t know what he was talking about; he admitted that he had checked it with Brittany.
They had no clue she got so worked up until she told me that I did the right thing, he said.
A few days later I was Venmo’d by Brittany $40 and the message was simply ‘ to settle my debt’ ‘In the event you don’t charge me interest 😂”
I couldn’t help but laugh. I was glad that I got myself to stand my ground on something so small. Instead of spending the money on me, I spent it on myself, and then instead of spending the money on me I decided to give it away to a children’s hospital under the name of Noah.
Finally, the best way to handle disrespect is with grace; which is more often, with humor.
The taste is sweet payback.