Tom’s voice had that fake happiness that men use when they’re up to something when he contacted his wife on a Monday morning. He added, “Honey, my boss asked me to go on a week-long fishing trip out of town.” It could be good for my job, and it might even help me get a promotion. “Can you pack enough clothes for the week and get my fishing gear ready? And don’t forget my new blue silk pajamas.”
Lisa, his wife, stopped for a second. There was something about his tone that didn’t sit well. She still played along and smiled into the phone. “Of course, dear,” she answered in a kind voice. “I’ll handle everything.” She packed his clothes, his tackle box, and the sparkling blue pajamas he had asked for.
Tom came home a week later with a tan, a smug look on his face, and a smile that was just a bit too big. When he got to the door, Lisa was patient, like a lady who already knew more than she was saying. “So,” she said to start, “how was the fishing?”
Tom said, “It was great,” as he loosened his tie. “Got salmon, bluegill, and even a few swordfish.” I had a terrific time with my employer. Then he frowned in confusion and remarked, “By the way, why didn’t you pack my blue silk pajamas like I asked?”
Lisa raised an eyebrow and smiled slyly. “Oh, I did,” she said in a voice that was as sweet as sugar. “Your fishing box had them.”
Tom stood still for a long second, knowing just what that meant. The quiet between them spoke volumes. The faint sound of a distant marriage lesson was audible. It was very gradual and extremely effective.
The Lawyer and the Doctor
A doctor was trying his best to relax at a busy party on the weekend while holding a drink. But every few minutes, someone would come up to him with a fresh “emergency.” One man rolled up his sleeve to show a rash. Another person said their back hurt. A third person leaned forward and pointed out a mole that was hard to see. The doctor smiled sweetly the whole time and gave free advice that he didn’t recall asking for.
He sighed after over an hour of these unplanned meetings and turned to the man next to him, a lawyer who seemed completely calm. “How do you deal with people who want free legal advice all the time?” he said, half in anger.
The lawyer took a sip of his drink and smiled. “Easy,” he said. “I give them advice, and then I send them a bill.” The doctor laughed and waited for the punchline. “Are you kidding?” The lawyer shook his head. “Not at all.”
The doctor was amused and a little inspired, so he decided to give it a try. The next morning, he got down at his desk and wrote bills for everyone who had cornered him at the party. Each charge included a detailed list of “consultation fees.” He stuffed the envelopes and walked to the mailbox, feeling strangely happy.
He opened it, but there was already an envelope inside. He was curious, so he tore it open and stopped. It was a bill.
From the lawyer.