Dogs are recognized for being loyal, loving, and, of course, funny. These jokes show the funny things that make our pets so lovable, from their naughty behavior to their surprising intelligence.
1. A Problem at the Dinner Table
It was the first time a girl met her boyfriend’s parents. Sadly, she had a really upset stomach. While they were eating supper, she had to try to relieve some of the crippling strain, so she let out a little gas softly.
Everyone at the table could hear her “little” fart. They all looked up, and the father stared at her, then at the dog lying on the floor behind her chair. “Max,” he said.
She thought, “This is great.” “They think it was the dog,” and everyone went back to their food.
Five minutes later, the agony came back, and she felt like she needed to alleviate more pressure. She didn’t move, but she let out another bit of wind, this time twice as loud as the last. Everyone glanced up again, and the father said, “MAX!” which made her extremely happy. Everyone started eating again.
The girl felt a lot better but was still not out of the woods. She resolved to go all out and get rid of the gastro-fiend’s discomfort once and for all.
She was so sure of herself that she let out a horrible ripper that lasted about four seconds. Everyone stopped eating and stared at each other. The dad put down his fork, got up from his chair, looked at the dog, and said, “Max! For the love of God!” “Get out of there before she poops on you!”
2. The Smart Shopper
While a butcher was trying to get a dog out of his store, he saw a $10 bill and a letter in the dog’s mouth that said, “Five lamb chops, please.”
A close-up of grilled lamb chops
He was so surprised that he grabbed the money, put a bag of chops in the dog’s mouth, and swiftly closed the store. He followed the dog and saw him wait for a green light, look both ways, and trot across the street to the bus stop.
The dog looked at the schedule and then sat down on the bench. He stepped to the front of the bus when it got there, looked at the number, and then got on. The butcher followed, speechless. The dog looked out the window at the countryside as the bus drove toward the suburbs.
A dog on a bus
He stood on his back paws for a long time to ring the “Stop” bell, and the butcher got off the bus after him.
The dog ran up to a home and put his sack on the step. He went back down the path, got in line for a large race, and hurled himself at the door. Whap! He did this over and over again, but no one answered. He jumped on a wall, wandered around the garden, hit his head against a window, jumped down, and waited at the front door.
A huge man opened it and yelled and cursed at the dog. The butcher hurried up to the man and said, “What the hell are you doing?” This dog is really smart!
The owner said, “Genius, my butt…” He forgot his keys for the second time this week!
3. The Visitor Who Loves to Nap
A man saw an old, exhausted dog walking around in his yard. His collar and full belly showed that he had a home and was being well taken care of. The man patted the dog on the head a few times, and the dog came over to him.
A man with a phone pats a puppy.
The dog followed the owner into his house, proceeded carefully down the hall, curled up in the corner, and fell asleep.
He walked to the door an hour later, and the man let him go. The dog came back the next day. He said hello to the man in his yard, went inside, and went back to sleep in the hall for nearly an hour. This went on and off for a few weeks.
A man pats a puppy that is lying on the floor.
One day, the guy attached a letter to the dog’s collar that said, “I would like to find out who the owner of this wonderful, sweet dog is and ask if you know that your dog comes to my house almost every afternoon for a nap.”
The next day, the dog came for his nap with a different message on his collar that said, “He lives with six kids, two of whom are under three. He’s trying to catch up on his sleep.” Can I go with him tomorrow?”
A man who is laughing
4. The Pub’s Plasterer
A dog walks into a bar and asks for a pint of beer and a ham sandwich. “Hang on!” the bartender exclaims as he glances at him. You are a dog.
The dog says, “I see your eyes are working.”
“And you can talk!” says the bartender.
The dog responds, “I see your ears are working too.” “Can I have my beer and sandwich now, if you don’t mind?”
“Of course, I’m sorry about that,” the bartender adds as he pours the dog’s pint. “It’s just that we don’t have a lot of dogs in this bar.” What made you come this way?
A bartender is filling a glass with wine.
The dog says, “I’m working on the building site across the street.” “I’m a plasterer.”
The bartender is shocked and can’t believe the dog. He wants to know more, but he gets the message when the dog pulls a newspaper out of his bag and starts reading it. The dog reads his paper, sips his beer, eats his sandwich, says goodbye to the bartender, and leaves. For two weeks, the same thing happened.
A dog on the sidewalk
The next day, the circus comes to town. The ringmaster walks into the bar and orders a drink. The bartender asks, “Are you with the circus?” I know a dog who would be great in your circus. He talks, drinks beer, eats sandwiches, reads the newspaper, and does everything else!
“Sounds great,” says the ringmaster as he gives him his business card. “Have him call me.”
The next day, the dog walks into the pub, and the bartender says, “Hey, Mr. Dog, I think I can get you a great job that pays a lot of money.”
100-dollar bills
The dog says, “I’m always looking for the next job.” “Where is it?”
The bartender says, “At the circus.”
The dog says, “The circus?”
“Yes,” the bartender says.
“The circus?” The dog asks again. “With the big tent?”
The bartender says, “Yeah.”
“With all the animals in cages and the performers in caravans?” the dog asks.
“Of course,” says the bartender.
“And the tent has canvas sides and a big canvas roof with a hole in the middle?” the dog keeps asking.
A dog that is happy and sticking out his tongue
The bartender says, “That’s right!”
The dog shakes his head in disbelief and asks, “Why would they want a plasterer?”
5. Corgi Humor
Why aren’t jokes about Corgis funny?
All of them are really short.
A picture of a Corgi staring up from a high perspective
6. The Dog That Talks Is on Sale
A man sees a notice in front of a property that says, “For sale: talking dog.” He rings the doorbell, and the owner tells him the dog is in the backyard. The man goes to the backyard and sees a dog just sitting there.
He asks, “Do you talk?”
The dog says, “Yes.”
“So, what’s your story?”
A man kneeling down and petting a puppy
The dog looks up and says, “I learned to talk pretty young, and I wanted to help the government, so I told the CIA about my gift.” They had me flying from one country to another in no time. Because no one thought a dog would be listening in, I sat in rooms with spies and international leaders. For eight years, I was one of their best spies.
A K9 dog sitting on the ground
“Going all over the place really wore me out, and I knew I wasn’t getting any younger and wanted to settle down.” So I got a job at the airport as an undercover security guard, mostly hanging out near people who looked suspicious and listening in. I found some amazing deals there and got a lot of medals for it. Having raised a wife and numerous puppies, I now enjoy retirement.
The man is shocked. He goes back inside and asks the owner how much he wants for the dog.
The owner says, “Ten dollars.”
A Siberian Husky that winks
“This dog is amazing,” the man says. Why in the world are you selling him for so little?
The owner says, “He’s just a big liar.” He didn’t do any of those things.
7. The Dog That Skates
One day, a man talked to his neighbor. “I’ve had it with my dog,” he replied. He’ll go after anyone on a skateboard.
The neighbor said, “Hmm, that is a problem,” with a hint of worry in their voice. “What are you going to do about it?”
The man shrugged and said, “I guess the only thing to do is take his skateboard.”
A close-up of a dog riding a skateboard
Dogs have a way of making us happy and making us laugh, whether they’re being bad or just being themselves. These jokes show how funny and wonderful our furry buddies can be.