Love is a strong and beautiful sensation. If both individuals agree, it can heal, lift up, and alter lives. But not all relationships are built on actual love. You can think you love someone, but what you truly feel is manipulation, dependence, or convenience. If one partner gets anything at the other’s expense, it could signify that you’re being used, not loved.
If you think you’re being taken advantage of in your relationship, these are five clear symptoms to look for:
1. Your needs always come second.
Love is mutual in a healthy relationship. Both partners should feel like they are being heard, supported, and loved. If you put a lot of time, energy, and money into your spouse but they don’t often think about or meet your needs, that’s a red flag. If you have to adjust your plans to fit theirs, pay for their way of life, or be there for them when they are having a breakdown without getting the same care in return, it could mean that they are taking advantage of your kindness.
Someone who really loves you will care about your health and happiness. People can be using you instead of caring for you if they think they have a right to your sacrifices instead of being thankful for them.
2. They only come by when they want something.
Does your partner leave when things are going well for them but come back when they need anything, like money, emotional support, or physical help? It’s a bad sign if your partner treats you more like a gas station where they can fill up, vent, or rest than as an equal partner.
A true friend is there for you through thick and thin. But someone who only shows up when they need something from you is definitely more interested in what you can do for them than in who you are.
3. One person is there for emotional support.
One of the most important things in a romantic relationship is being emotionally close. People may utilize you if you always help them and never help yourself. If your feelings don’t match those of your spouse, they may not pay attention to them, downplay them, or dismiss them.
When you love someone, you have to be there for them when they are weak. If your partner can’t talk to you about their feelings but still needs your support, you might just be a means for them to calm down instead of a loved one.
4. They would rather not make plans or promises that last a long time.
Another sign that they’re using you is that they don’t want to commit or are hesitant to do so. They might not want to talk about the future, give you labels, or keep their feelings apart from yours. But they don’t mind using the wonderful aspects about the partnership, like your help, your body, and your money.
This kind of connection lets them enjoy being with you without having to cope with the responsibilities that come with being in a true relationship. If someone keeps you in a “situation” or provides you reasons to put off making a commitment while still wanting full access to you, you should think about why they are doing it.
5. You feel exhausted, not happy.
Love should not make you exhausted; it should make you happy. If being around your spouse makes you feel tired, scared, or unsure of yourself, that’s a big red flag. People who use others can make things tense, confusing, and unstable by being hot and cold, controlling, or ignoring your difficulties.
Are you happier by yourself than with them? Do you feel uneasy and unsure? Do you always wonder how much your partner cares about you? These indicators show that your lover is not reacting to your love in a good way.
In the end, know your worth.
It’s painful to realize that someone is using you in a relationship, but it’s also a big step toward regaining your self-esteem restored. In a relationship, you should provide and receive respect, care, and dedication. It shouldn’t be a bargain that only makes you feel bad.
You might want to take a step back and think about whether your spouse loves you for who you are or what you can do for them if you observe these signals in your relationship. Remember that you deserve love that makes you feel good, not love that makes you feel horrible.