I’ve been trying to make a life for myself in a different state from my wild extended family for the past few years. I’m 29 years old. I desire peace. But I flew home for the first time in years last weekend to see my family. I quickly remembered why I don’t go there.
Brielle, my distant cousin, who I haven’t talked to much since high school, cornered me. After some awkward small conversation, she started asking me very pointed questions about my job and pay. She then mentioned something about how nice it must be to have so much “extra money” since I don’t have to pay for a husband or kids.
That’s when she spilled the beans. She told me that since I don’t have any serious financial obligations of my own, the best way for me to “help the family” would be to pay for her whole wedding. She said that would be a kind thing to do and that she would pay me back in the future.
I couldn’t believe it and laughed. When I saw how serious she was, I told her there was no way I would agree. She started wailing soon away, which drew a lot of attention. My aunt came over soon, and after hearing Brielle’s tragic story, she gave me a disapproving look and said, “Well, she has a point.” What else are you saving money for?
It was like I had just stepped into a bizarre dream when I stood there with family members I hadn’t seen in years. I looked at Brielle and then at my aunt and stated as softly as I could, “I’m saving for my future.” This isn’t for someone else’s Pinterest fantasy.
That didn’t go over well.
My aunt shook her head at me like I was a heartless miser, and Brielle wept even more. “Family helps family,” she remarked in a loud voice. “Especially when they have the cash.”
I didn’t say anything else before I left. I needed some fresh air. It was all so bizarre that I didn’t know whether to be upset or laugh again.
I let it all out that night while sitting on the porch swing with my cousin Liana, the only family member I still got along with. She nodded slowly and said, “They act like being single is a sin that you need to make up for.”
That hurt a lot. Because that’s how it seemed.
Liana told me that Brielle had been talking about her dream wedding for months. She said it would be at a posh place with a designer dress and a banquet for 200 people. “Everyone wanted to know how she would pay for it,” she stated. “I guess we know now.”
It seems that I was picked to be the surprise donor.
The next day, I went home, tired. I assumed that was the end of it, but it wasn’t.
A week later, I got texts from numbers I didn’t know. Some were passive-aggressive, like “Not everyone is lucky enough to be childless and carefree,” while others were outright cruel. When my mom called me, she said, “Your aunt says you embarrassed Brielle.” She was trying to be fair, but it was evident that she didn’t enjoy it.
I told her that all I had done was say no to a strange request. My mom sighed and went on to do something else.
After that, things got worse.
Brielle stated on Facebook, where everyone could see it, that she had been “deeply betrayed by someone she once admired” and that “some people care more about hoarding wealth than building love.”
In the comments, there were friends, distant relatives, and even individuals I didn’t know who were all saying how sorry they were. A few folks tagged me personally. Someone even asked, “How can you sleep at night knowing you’re ruining someone’s special day?”
At that moment, I almost deleted my Facebook account. But something inside me fell apart instead.
I didn’t write a long defense. I merely posted one thing: “No one has the right to your money.” These people don’t only come around when they need something.
That post got a lot of attention. Messages began to arrive, some kind and some cruel. But the transformation had started. A few cousins got in touch with me privately to say they agreed with me but were too scared to say anything. Someone even told me that Brielle had asked her for money before asking me.
So they didn’t go after me first. Just the biggest one.
That was the last straw: I got a note in the mail that was written by hand. Yes, a letter. From the man who will marry Brielle. “You don’t know me well, but I know love when I see it,” it started. He went on to say, “Brielle has been through so much,” and “this wedding is her dream, and you can make it happen.”
At the end, he said, “Please be the hero she needs.”
I couldn’t believe what the letter said. Who would write that to someone they don’t know?
At that point, I knew it wasn’t about me. No, not really. To them, I was just a wallet on legs.
I didn’t say anything. I sent all the screenshots, conversations, and the letter to a family group chat that I didn’t use very often.
I made it plain what I meant: “This is harassment.” If it doesn’t stop, I’ll get a lawyer involved. No, I won’t pay for anyone’s wedding.
I left the group after that.
After that, there was no radio traffic. This stillness lasted for around two weeks.
One day, Liana sent me a message. She said, “You won’t believe this.”
Brielle’s wedding was canceled.
It looks like her fiancé took out a personal loan to assist pay for part of the wedding without her knowing and lied when he said it was “taken care of.” When she found out, she called the whole thing off. She wrote another emotional Facebook status in which she talked of “betrayal” and “starting over.”
I didn’t show off. I didn’t say anything. I just sat there and thought about it all.
But I did text Liana and say, “Wow.”
She said, “Karma works fast sometimes.”
For the next few months, everything were calm. Stop sending rude messages. No more requests that are too much. I thought about my life and the things I was saving for.
Next, something interesting happened.
A woman I had met years ago at a computer convention got in touch. She remembered that I had told her I intended to start my own business one day. She had also quit her job and was looking for a partner.
We talked on the phone for a long time and made plans before we decided to go for it. I used some of my funds to pay for our first app. I had worked hard to keep those savings secure from my family’s guilt.
It didn’t get popular immediately away. But it was ours. Every month it got bigger. It expanded slowly but steadily.
A year later, I was on a panel talking about women who work in IT. As I looked out at the crowd, I thought of all the things that had happened to me. I thought about how saying “no” wasn’t a sign of weakness; it was something I had to do.
Liana sent me another message later that night.
“Guess who’s selling wedding dresses on Facebook Marketplace?” she wrote. and included a picture of Brielle’s profile with it. “Now she’s going for less.”
I didn’t think that was humorous. Not really. But I did feel something, maybe peace.
People will always try to change the choices you make in your life, and that’s a fact. People will always want to tell you how to spend your money. Your time is also a useful thing. This is especially true if you don’t fit their idea of “normal.”
Just because you chose a different path doesn’t mean you owe anyone anything.
I chose peace over chaos. Instead of feeling bad, I prefer to set restrictions. I could say yes to something that was essential to me because of that.
No, I didn’t pay for Brielle’s wedding.
But I paid for my dream.
And I’ll never feel bad about it.
If you feel bad about doing what’s best for you, remember that you don’t have to explain yourself to anyone. Stay calm. Protect your happiness. Plan your future.
And don’t ever apologize for saying no.
Have you ever had someone think they were due your time or money just because of the choices you made in your life? If you believe in establishing limits, don’t forget to like this post and tell your story.