My husband was completely surprised and in great pain when I told him I wanted a divorce after living together for thirty years. In his opinion, he always was a good husband. Still, the reason was something he hadn’t even guessed was the case.
It’s quite interesting that two people can see an event differently. One good example is marriage. My husband Zack thought we had a good marriage, even though I knew it wasn’t the case.
After our youngest child left us during our thirty years of marriage, I wanted a divorce, which happened on our thirtieth wedding anniversary.
“You” was my answer to his request. It is me, the way I am, not the way people see me.
Once Zack was seated, he kept staring ahead, heaviness in his body. Is this what you want and what you ask if you are divorcing me?
“Yes,” I repeated again. I will be following through with a divorce.
At this point, he shouted, “why?” as tears appeared in his eyes. Kelly, you’ve always meant a lot to me and I’ve never cheated on you, never!”
I agreed by saying, “Yes, it’s true.” You always stayed true and you did not participate in drinking or gambling.
Understanding each other by listening carefully is very important in any relationship.
“But, if that’s the case, why?!” demanded the boy angrily. You want to get out of our marriage, but I did NOTHING and still gave all I had to you? Has an affair ever taken place in your marriage?”
“NO!” I cried. “I’m not! Want to know the reason behind me leaving you, Zack? I can tell you… I stood almost touching him and stared straight at his eyes.
You will not see me anymore as you did NOTHING. After the kids came and I had a full-time job, I had to come home and do all the housework by myself because you did not help.
Even though I couldn’t get out of bed with my sickness, you did nothing; when I was grieving after my father passed away, you did nothing; and you did nothing upon discovering I was depressed due to menopause.
Since our two oldest children grown and left, you have not done a single thing. You never presented me with a flower to show your love, and I never saw you supporting me when my mother was not nice to me.
Once I kicked my ankle, and I felt so bad I couldn’t get up, but I tried to fix the morning meal right after 6:00 am while you snored — and you did NOTHING. Everything you attempt does not seem to be your strongest skill!
You should have told me this! Zack’s face showed sadness as he cried.
I had asked you for help right from the beginning,” I replied. Each time I would hug you and dream of a kiss, you were more caught up in the TV program. I mentioned it from the first time I begged you to care about me and love me.
I talked to you five years ago when I asked us to attend couples therapy. But you said it was useless since you felt there were no issues and you were happy.
“It’s time to go now,” said Zack with hope. “Make an appointment and I’ll make sure to be there!”
After noticing how set I was on leaving, I added: You’re missing a big part of the problem since you don’t really take steps to look for help and organize a trip to the therapist yourself.
Zack begged Kelly, asking her to cooperate. I hope you will let me try to make you happy!
I looked at him and felt very sad within me. I shook my head to indicate agreement. Those words coming from you at any period in the last thirty years would have meant everything to me.
Sometimes I even feel no anger anymore, only sadness and pity for what you are. All of these years, Zack, you never cared about making me happy, and honestly, I don’t want to lose another day being with you.
The next day, I left my old apartment and found a lovely apartment in Venice Beach, where I could start everything from the beginning. Because of that, I gave up my car and started commuting each day by bicycle.
Most of my children were alarmed, but my oldest daughter, Amy, really surprised me when she said her father was very upset and seeing a therapist because of depression. I felt bad for him, but this time I put my personal happiness above everything else.
I started dancing, met some new friends, stopped wearing the “old me” clothes for Zack, and decided to change my hairstyle. My children were very impressed since they noticed I looked twenty years younger.
I felt like I was back to being younger, looking better, full of energy, and with a lot of hope. Just a year later, I met Sam and found someone who is caring and loving toward me. He proposes to me for marriage.
Even so, I may be a bit nervous to start that venture again, but we made sure to pick a date in the summer. I am so thankful to have this man by my side, as he is making me realize what true love really means.
The latest news about Zack is that he’s been dating a much younger person who tells him what to do, makes him do what she wants, and expenses his money carelessly. I expect that each person gets where they belong!
What is the point that this story brings out?
Our decisions not to do things play a role that is as big as the decisions we make. Zack did not cheat, but he still did not provide Kelly with the help and love she desired.
One key part of any relationship is to listen to your partner’s feelings and to treat what they want or need as important as your own wants or needs, but this is something Zack didn’t do in time.