Sarah Was Eager for Joy as Her Baby Was Born, Not for Betrayal That Would Harm Her
As soon as Luc was born, Sarah felt this was the best time of her life. Months of waiting, awkward feelings and changing hormones made the first moment with her son feel surreal. Things fell apart quickly after that, when the man she was closest to betrayed her in a way she couldn’t imagine. All of this led to a situation of pushing back, recognizing inaccurate goals and discovering what it means to parent.
A few weeks have passed since my little Luc was born. That was one of the toughest things I’ve gone through. At the time, I experienced constant nausea, awful backaches, lots of worry and numerous visits to the doctor during my pregnancy. All the effort I’d made before only seemed to matter once I heard his cry and he reached for me with his fingers. He was faultless. There was nothing he didn’t do.
We had arranged that my husband, Tom, would pick us up at the hospital and we’d return home as a family of three for the first time. I had remembered that instant many times. I pictured Tom approaching the hospital door, smiling and waiting to pick up his son for the first time. Seeing what I wanted for us helped me get through the toughest times.Sarah holding Luc |
The day we couldn’t wait for finally arrived and I was positively bouncing with excitement. Luc was all snuggled in a soft blanket when I carried him. Every sound my baby made—crying, yawning or cooing—it all seemed like a wonder. I spent time by the window, partly opening the blinds, watching for Tom’s car to arrive.
Yet, he didn’t turn up at all.
Minutes passed. Then thirty. Another hour followed that. I kept looking at my phone, refreshing every few seconds, but nothing new had come in. Calling him got me straight to his voicemail. I felt a thick knot forming in my chest.
The nurse softly asked, “Would you like to tell me what’s upsetting you?”
I just nodded and gave a small smile. “My husband’s just going to take a little longer.”
Even so, I felt more concerned when all was said and done. Two hours went by without a call or text before my phone made a sound. I was delighted by the message until it turned to shock.
I’m running late, maybe by about an hour, babe. I’m in the mall now — my favorite shop is having a big sneaker sale. I would have ID’d it myself if I could have seen it in the wild.
I thought it was just a joke at first. Who would ever choose to pick up sneakers over their tiny newborn? Yet realizing how easy it was made the separation all the harder.
I had tears in my eyes. The nurse seemed to notice that something wasn’t right and kindly asked again if she could assist. I handed her the message, unable to say anything.
She paused for a moment to blink, then frowned. You’ll never leave home alone. I’m offering to drive you.
You don’t have to do it if you don’t want to.
She was clear as she replied, “I insist.” You and your son aren’t being treated correctly and you shouldn’t accept it.
This was what she did. She fastened Luc’s seat in the back, helped me in and drove home slowly, while I reflected on how my heart was breaking each mile.
Tom was already on the couch when we arrived and he looked truly happy as he looked over his new sneakers in the bags all around him. I caught him by surprise as he saw me at the door.
“What’s bothering you?” he said, like he wasn’t acting selfishly by picking shoes instead of staying with his family.
I was shaking because I was tired, upset and heartbroken.
I explained to her, “You didn’t see me when I discharged.” You put sneakers before your son and me.
He giggled awkwardly because he didn’t realize how serious his actions were. “I realized you could just get an Uber back…”
That was when I realized something inside me had been broken. It wasn’t only about not making it to my ride. It came down to the feeling that I existed only to help sell some shoes. He shattered the trust I’d given him, just as you would shatter glass with your hand.
I went upstairs, packed for us and told Luc I was leaving. “You have to figure out what’s important,” I told him, trying hard not to make eye contact.
When he panicked and tried to keep me there, I pushed by him and left him a note on the table. At that point, I didn’t have anything more to give him.
I saw my sister’s eyes widen when she opened the door. There I was, holding Luc, feeling my emotions and shivering.
“What’s going on?” she asked.
I tried not to cry. “Tom broke our friendship in order to get sneakers.”
He didn’t have to tell her everything. She took us in, hugged me tight and invited us.
For the next seven days, Tom tried to call or text me often. He sent apologies, voice messages and messages to let us know he missed us and hoped to sort things out. My sister would often tell me about times he stood six feet away from her front door, hoping I would come outside to talk to him. I was not prepared yet.
My sister finally came over to talk to me. You would do well to have a conversation with him. It looks as though he hasn’t slept in a very long time.
I went ahead and did it.
As soon as Tom arrived, he appeared changed — he was unkempt, looked pale and his eyes were red because he had been crying.
“I’ve been really silly, Sarah,” he breathed quietly. I didn’t get it. I didn’t see the pain I was causing you because I didn’t realize it. Yet, I do now. Kindly, I’d like to try and show I’m capable of it.
The crack in his voice told me how deeply sorry he was. Yet, I didn’t feel prepared to forgive — unless there were specific conditions met first.
Is a new opportunity what you’re looking for? I asked. This means you need to care for the baby as if it’s your main job. All of that. Filling the diaper, feeding the baby and not getting much sleep — that’s a typical part of parenthood.”
He fluttered his eyes, then agreed. I’ll handle this. Anything.”
That’s why, for two truly exhausting weeks, he kept going. He dealt with changing diapers. He kept himself awake at night. He got better at quieting Luc, warming bottles and managing to stay awake with just three hours of sleep. I saw that he sometimes got confused or got upset — but I saw him also improve and grow.
After a very hard day, Tom held Luc on the bed, sobbing softly.
He said, “I didn’t realize it was going to be this tough.” You got everything done while I shopped for groceries, didn’t you? I acted only for myself back then. I feel so bad about it.
I sat by his side and put my hand on his. “That must make sense to you now.”
He made that happen. From that moment, he became someone else — in both his speech and his deeds. He always made it to every important affair. He stepped in to be the partner I needed and the father Luc always needed.
At times, those we care about the most do the worst things, but as long as they want to improve and care about the right things, everything can work out.