Money often changes the way relationships with your loved ones work. Family seems to be everything to us and we’d give up just about anything for them.
If your family members benefit from your help and use it selfishly, then the wounds aren’t just emotional; the pain can be physical as well. They affect us deeply and usually do not mend easily.
Being short on money is rough, but when a person you trust avoids helping you, it hurts much more than money ever could.
What a Mother Says
From a young age, my mother insistently tried to teach us that family comes first in life. I always knew she was there for me, cheered me on and put me above all else. Even when things were really difficult, she made sure I didn’t see everything my parents went through.
Because my father wasn’t with us, I always did things with my mother alone. My mother did both mother and father roles well and I was sure she cared for me deeply, even if I wasn’t always shown why.
So, hearing her call late that night, crying and in real distress, I didn’t stop to think about it. I didn’t spend time thinking about it or asking questions. I made my decision in love, without thinking much about it. She sounded desperate when she begged me for assistance and I trusted her absolutely.
One Request That Was Absolutely After My Heart
One night, she told me she had to find $20,000, urgently or she’d be kicked out of her home. I couldn’t afford what they wanted, but it wasn’t a problem. I borrowed money from the bank. I couldn’t think of anything else to do except help her. There was no chance to question what happened. She was my mother.
What came next truly shocked me.
When I went to see her after a few days, I thought I might find evidence of a woman coping. Instead, the house I walked into was completely redone, with new furniture, a huge flat-screen TV and a style that made it seem like a store model, not a foreclosed one.
I asked her, overwhelmed with emotion, “You’d earlier mentioned that we were about to lose the house.” She smiled at me and explained, “Since you’re young, you’ll make up for it eventually.” I just hoped to experience some joy for myself at some point.
That made me feel terrible. Betrayed. And all at once questioning everything I had believed about her all this time.
Living in the Wake
At bedtime, I can’t escape the suffocating feeling caused by what I owe the bank. I go over what we’ve discussed, wishing I’d missed something important that would make everything seem wrong. Paying off these loans reminds me time and again that the person I trusted was capable of hurting me and didn’t even care.
I always used to assume that people were wrong about mixing money and family, because it wouldn’t happen to me. What happens when you find out your mom is the person taking advantage of you?
How do you fit together love and betrayal? What do you do when the one who raised you also left you behind and they’re busy buying themselves a new couch because they don’t have to deal with you anymore?